I’ve been reflecting on this summer over the past couple of days; And not only this summer, but these past three summers.  It has been a rollercoaster ride.  It seems like only a month ago that I answered the phone so nervously, because I had a phone interview with Lauren.  I found out that I was going to New Orleans that summer and I was soo excited!  Now, I’m sitting in the fellowship hall at Fuquay-Varina Baptist Church and I only have one project left after this one.  Then it’ll be over.  I’ll be done with Serve Management Group. 

My heart feels so conflicted and pulled in different directions here. 

I love traveling and meeting all of these incredible people.  I was thinking today, as I was sweeping off a roof, about all the incredible people just at this project.  There’s this group of girls from Seale, Alabama here that I love to hang out with.  This is their third year in a row to have me at their project.  They were sooo excited when they got here and saw me.  They jumped out of the van and came up and gave me the biggest hugs ever!  It made me7/ feel so special.  There’s this man named Mr. Gene here who is probably older than 70, who comes every year to hang out with the crazy teenagers at his youth group.  My project coordinator survived a horrible skiing accident.  No one thought he’d be able to walk again, but now he struts around this place bringing a smile to everyone he comes in contact with.  There’s a man named Shane here who is a Construction Captain, and in his “spare time” follows Joe around to learn as much as he can about coordinating a Serve project so he can serve in years to come.  There’s a group of about 10 high-schoolers here who have volunteered their week to insure that the project runs smoothly.  They don’t get to do glamorous jobs either.  They’re running to Walmart to be go-fors for the group leaders, and cleaning our showers and toilets.  And every single one of these people have stories.  They have come from somewhere… they’ve traveled down a long road to get to Fuquay-Varina, North Carolina this week.  At these projects our stories intersect.  And I stand fascinated by these amazing creations that my God has created.  When our little stories are put together it reminds me of the big story going on all around me, God’s story. 

It’s such a weird thought: that this is my next to last project. Part of me is heartbroken about it.  The other part of me is ecstatic about it. Timothy texted me the other day and asked me how I was doing, and I told him that it wasn’t that I was homesick, but I’m longing for some consistency.  I’m tired of living out of a suitcase.  And I’ve been here for a really long time.  I haven’t had a sense of security since I moved out of Mom and Dad’s.  And for a while I didn’t mind it.  It was cool, and kinda glamorous to be a college kid floating around, doing whatever I wanted and going wherever I wanted.  I’ve always loved that kinda freedom.  I have a hard time being in one place or one season of life for too long.  But my heart is growing tired of that.  School is the most permanent thing I have right now, and that’ll be over in a year.   And then who knows what?  I travel all summer with Serve, sleeping on an air mattress and living out of a suitcase. I don’t stay in any one place for more than a week.  And I’m just tired. 

And then tonight, during a concert the band was doing, Giles sang a song that he wrote for his father. .. about how he’s watched his dad and he’s learned how to live life by watching.  He sings about going fishing with his dad, and I almost started bawling.  I miss my dad so much that it hurts.  It seems odd to me that I’m 21 and I’m missing my dad so much.  And it just seems to get worse as I get older.  I just want to crawl up on the couch with Dad and lay my head in his lap as he takes a nap on the couch.  I just want to be close to him.  I haven’t seen him in almost 2 months, and before then I only had a week with him.  Before then I hadn’t seen him since Easter or something crazy like that. 

And in the midst of missing my family and missing my friends, while my heart is aching, I am reminded to be thankful that I have people to miss.  I have some incredible friends, and my life has been forever altered by them.  And I have parents that are still together, who love me very much.  I have a dad that I can lay my head in his lap while he watches TV.  I have a great relationship with my mom now.  4 years ago we couldn’t even talk on the phone without fighting, and now I can look back and see 4 years of redemption as God has healed my relationship with my mom. 

I am a very blessed girl.  I am also a very broken girl.  And I’m trying to live well where I am.  And I continually discover that it’s not an easy thing to do.